Columbia women, afraid their husbands will be recognized, ban in-town sex shop

The first sex shop in the city of Columbia, SC may be shut down after members of the City Council voted to effectively ban sex shops from the city.

Unhappy wives had been appealing to the council for weeks after the “adult superstore” got its business license on December 4, citing their fear that having an adult store so close to their homes rather than on the outskirts of the city would lead their husbands to frequent such establishments more often and risk their friends at the Country Club seeing their cars.

Shelby, a conservative Christian and devoted mother of four, asks how she is supposed to explain it to her children.

Despite the fact that my children have never once pointed to a store and asked me what it was, what am I supposed to tell them when they do?  Do they really need to know that mommy met daddy when she was paying her way through college as a stripper?  Do I really want them to talk about it when playing tennis at the Club?

The beautiful building next door

The store, located in one of the busiest and ugliest corridors within city limits, is further off the road than anything nearby, but this is not enough for many of the anti-sex women in the town.  Ann, a retiree who lives nearby, is worried about her grandchildren.

I realize that there are nothing but shoddy buildings and fast food restaurants on the street, but there are some good American businesses, like check-cashing places designed to take advantage of the poor.  We don’t want a business supporting healthy sex lives, that’s not what Columbia is about.  Now, a gun store would be just the thing for that location.

Not everyone is against the store, however, and a few voices have come out in support, including Ashley, a local student.

Retroactively changing the law to punish a specific business makes these prudes much bigger a**holes than the ones undoubtedly on full display inside the store.  Think of the children?  What exactly do these people think they had to do to make their children?

A member of City Council, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, “If they’d only given us free vibrators like we’d asked, it never would have come up for a vote.”

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About ashleyfmiller

I write, give occasional speeches, and am currently getting my PhD in Mass Communications from South Carolina. Before going back to school, I worked in Los Angeles in reality tv, web series, and film.

Posted on December 30, 2011, in Politics, Posts Worth Going Back and Reading and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. “What am I supposed to tell them (children) when they do (ask what the store is)?” Well, you lie to them about a million other things (Santa, Creationism, god), so why not pretend Taboo is a store that sells fences??

    Those pitiful prisses, I thought they didn’t like putting their faces deep in others people’s business. (sarcasm)

  2. Ha, excellent article.

    A guy opened up a topless coffee shop not too far down the road from where I live. It caused a big uproar that prompted a bunch of towns to implement sex shop ordinances. (The town in which he set up business had no ordinance at the time.) His place eventually got burned down by a jealous boyfriend of one of the waitresses (almost killing a half dozen people or so who lived in the adjacent building, including two babies), but I think he still runs something out of a small building.

    But it’s ridiculous that I can even tell this story. I never drive out that way, and even when I do, I never notice what sets up shop at that location. This sort of stuff shouldn’t be news.

  3. Damn, that’s right near my house, I would have gone.

  4. This is from the Onion, right? The Grandmother’s response can’t be real.

  5. Er, pretty sure Ann’s statement was entirely sarcasm.

  6. All of them seem to be. The entire story just seems like something I’ve seen in the Onion before.

  7. Would you rather your daughters have a real penis or a fake one?? That’s what I thought.

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